A monologue on the dialogues

The Librarian has been reading some of Plato’s Socratic dialogues for the past few days: Apologia, Crito, Protagoras, Phaedo, Pheadrus, and Symposium, building up to a plunge into Republic. This is part of the Librarian’s continuing effort to better himself while sitting in airports, flying on planes, and lounging in the bath tub. Inevitable transcendence in return for very little effort. And were transcendence not the result (it will be, of course) the Librarian couldn’t complain, really, since he’s managed to get two new favorites from his efforts: Proust’s Remembrance of Things Past and Stendhal’s The Red and the Black. Without this reading plan, Stendhal would never have been an option. Problem is: with all this Plato to read, the librarian can’t get around to reading the new translations of Remembrance or re-reading Stendhal in order to find a particularly pithy quote he seems to recall being said by the “hero” of The Red and The Black. Maybe not. It could have been from any of a series of depressing French novels.

Regardless, the Librarian feels invigorated in this reading of tedious Plato: it is, of course, making the Librarian better than the people he knows. Tedium, is, evidently, a mark of excellence. But it is this elevation of one above others (i.e. the Librarian above the un-Platoed people he knows and pities) that makes it so very special. Also, the Librarian, getting to the original documents, the source, the origin, whatever, is now better equipped to make the judgement: Socrates deserved to die.

Prior to this reading, the Librarian felt, along with the rest of the Western world, how sad it was as Socrates drank his hemlock with his followers sitting around him tearing their hair, beating their breasts, putting ashes on their faces, or whatever primitive peoples do when mourning rather than quietly weep in a dignified manner. What most of us fail to realize is that Socrates is being put to death because he was so fucking annoying. In the Apologia he says, “Well, I was trying to see who was wiser than me, so I went around the city and hung out with people who were successful, thinking that they must be wiser than me, but I found out that they really weren’t, so, in the interest of being friendly, I told them, ‘hey, you really aren’t that smart.’” So, due to his offensive and completely unsolicited sharing of his opinion, the people of Athens felt that they had no choice but to put him down. The Librarian has difficulty feeling anything but understanding in their regard. Moreover the man teased Protagoras while arguing with him, “can’t you give short answers? I have a poor memory so can’t remember what the argument was by the time you finish,” and then goes on to say “blah de blah de blah de blah” for paragraph after paragraph.

There are commentaries that say that this is funny. How do they know? They are like literary specialists who say “Well, you have to know about the sensibility of the people at the time and immerse yourself in their milieu; then you will understand the humor.” And they laugh, snorting through their noses, over what a stitch Addison and Steele are. The Librarian hates that, and thinks that Eddie Izzard is funny because he does not have to be explained: “See Americans at that time thought that socks were funny! Yes! Funny! Because socks were on feet and kept in shoes! Yes! And Izzard, who was a British transvestite–a straight transvestite–wore socks and one could see them! Yes. *snort* Can you imagine?” The Librarian is much more of the mind to say “Yeah, they thought that was funny back then. Go figure.” Much less work is involved, and it can be done from one’s spa tub.

Unlike Emily Dickinson, though, Socrates does have some good points. In Protagoras, he follows Alcebiades to someone’s house on account of lusting on the young man, and, in Meno, he tells Meno, “I’m talking to you because you are so hot.” One cannot help but admire this sort of thing in the old man, even if he was kind of a busy body. Should the Librarian live to an advanced age, he intends to take up smoking, drinking, maybe illicit drugs, and fast driving. And, if Steven is deceased, lots of sex with anyone who will have sex with a drunk, drugged up old man who is going for the gusto before death comes along and ends it. This is a different philosopher than Socrates, but still, Greek is Greek.

Next entry: Ask Red Velvet Jesus to intercede for your sins.

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